Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Quenching Vinegar

Climbing, the dirt crumbles under
the calloused balls of your dauntless feet.
Now on the backbone of mountains
We found it, the adorned tops of trees
and how they crown all that you see,
hats glowing in their own sunset,petite.

A frost on the window; confined beauty in bliss,
Bountiful knowing, the shining of stems.
this valley of rocks formed for the senses

The trees bend their shade to convey this,
ornamenting landscapes for you and the friendses
teaching us how to see through green lenses:
the dew dribbled on the chin of lawns.

Some God smirking from the raw while chewing and gnawing
the divinest of things.
He forgets the finite, starts to remember the certain
colored blocks of sees, like the darling resonance of buzzing
inside the shell of a bee.

He feels the pines laugh at me
like a capitalized word,
peaking into their hats as if they held keys,

or knew how to hold bones,
or make them talk like the trees.

3 comments:

Rory Gibbens-Rolph said...

This poem strikes a beautiful balance between concrete and abstract.
Some god...the shell of a bee...like capitalized word...they(the pines?) held keys or held bones.
Thought provoking and fun. Well done.

I would love to see more concrete images in first stanza...tell me more about the ridge top.
Also more detail added into abstract allusions in stanza 2-4 would make them more well rounds, perhaps guide the reader more without forsaking the imagination and ambiguity that you do well to include and I'm sure must be part of your intent.

shana said...

thank you for the constructive criticism. i changed it around a bit, let me know what you think!

Rory Gibbens-Rolph said...

"backbone of mountains"
"valley of rocks"
-I really start to feel the PA mountains, the predominance of rocks in "backbone of mountains" or "valley of rocks". Love it, and wanting more!
"He feels the pines laugh at me
like a capitalized word,
peaking into their hats as if they held keys,

or knew how to hold bones,
or make them talk like the trees."

Well written conclusion; metaphor alongside visuals of bones and trees (hearkening back to earlier references in poem perhaps?). The meaning shifts and changes every time I read it; really do enjoy the ambiguity matched with multitude of meaning that runs through this poem, especially the ending!